There’s a quiet space we all settle into—sometimes by choice, sometimes by habit. It’s that familiar territory where we hover just under the surface of what we truly want. That space? It’s our set point.
It’s the place where things feel manageable, maybe even comfortable, but often—if we’re honest—it’s not where we really want to be.
Whether it’s in your career, your income, your relationships, your health, or your willingness to try new things… many of us live just below the threshold of our potential.
Not because we don’t know better.
Not because we don’t want more.
But because going beyond it feels risky. It requires effort, consistency, vulnerability—and maybe even failure.
And yet, something inside us longs for more.
The Velvet Coffin
Some time ago, I heard a coach describe something that has always stayed with me. She called it the velvet coffin—the place we retreat to when life is “fine,” but we’ve stopped reaching. It’s cozy. It’s familiar. It doesn’t challenge us. And yet… it slowly suffocates our deepest desires.
We don’t ask for more. We don’t believe we can have it. We settle.
At the end of our lives, we may look back and say, “It was fine. It was comfortable.” But maybe, deep down, we’ll know:
I didn’t really live the life I was capable of living.
The Problem With the Set Point
That “just enough” point isn’t random. It’s formed over years of feedback, past attempts, what we were told was possible, and what didn’t work the first (or second or fifth) time.
You reach a certain point with weight loss… and stop. You get close to a fulfilling relationship… and it fizzles. You aim for more visibility or pay in your career… and pull back. You want new friendships, deeper connections… but social effort feels too heavy.
And slowly, you start to believe:
“This must just be who I am.”
But what if it’s not?
What if it’s just your set point—one that can shift?
Let’s Get Real About What You Want
This isn’t about chasing an idealized version of success. It’s about getting real. What lights you up?
Do you crave more creative expression? A strong, flexible, energized body? A nourishing home filled with connection and beauty? Adventures that bring you alive again?
You don’t need to copy someone else’s highlight reel. You need to tune into your own longing—and commit to taking small, consistent steps beyond your current threshold.
Five Steps to Stretch Your Set Point
Here’s what I recommend if you’re ready to move beyond your default settings:
Get clear on what you really want. Choose one area of your life—your health, your career, your relationships. Get specific about what “thriving” looks and feels like for you.
Break it into manageable pieces. Don’t tackle everything at once. Create small, daily or weekly practices. If it’s health, maybe it’s improving your sleep, food choices, and movement. Write it down. Track it.
Schedule your success. Add it to your calendar like any other commitment. Whether it’s a walk, a networking coffee, or planning meals—treat it like it matters. Because it does.
Find the joy in the effort. Hard things feel easier when they’re infused with novelty, beauty, or meaning. Try a new walking path, explore a new recipe, or move your body in a fun way. Don’t let change feel like punishment.
Measure progress and celebrate it. Track your efforts. Note your wins. And when you slip (because you will), don’t cave. Start again. Every day is a fresh opportunity to choose differently.
Personal Note
Some days, even something as simple as walking the dog feels like a chore. He’s old now. Slower. Doesn’t always want to go far.
But I remind myself: these moments won’t last forever.
And every time I step outside, even if it’s rainy or I’m tired, I create a little window of joy.
Murphy and my window of joy!
You don’t have to blow up your life to make a shift. You just need to step past what’s comfortable—a little bit, every day.
Coaching Points to Ponder
What is one area of your life where you’ve consistently hit a ceiling? What story do you tell yourself about why you can’t go beyond it?
How does your current set point serve you—and how does it hold you back?
If you let go of comfort as the main goal, what would you reach for instead?
You’re not broken. You’re not lazy. You’re not out of time.
You’ve just been operating at a set point that no longer serves you. And the good news is—you can change it.
You can rise.
With kindness, Marianne
What is available:
If you are caught in a spiraling cycle of self-doubt, burnout and frustration – and navigating change just feels too damn hard – and you want to move beyond your “set point” let me help you find clarity, confidence and renewed belief in what’s possible for your magical life. Contact at : marianne@mariannepreton.com
There are two options:
90 minutes private session on – a coaching session to help you identify your top priorities and create clarity and a roadmap for success.
3 Month 1:1 Coaching opportunities available.
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