The Cost of Not Keeping the Promises You Make to Yourself
Have you ever made a promise to yourself, only to break it before you’ve even gotten started? Maybe you planned to prioritize your health, reconnect with an old friend, or finally take that trip you’ve been dreaming of. Yet, when it comes to the promises we make to ourselves, we often let them slide. If it’s a promise to someone else, we’re more likely to honor it—perhaps because it feels like our reputation or honor is on the line. But when it’s for ourselves, somehow it becomes easier to push it aside.
Why is that?
We let ourselves off the hook with phrases like, “It’s not urgent,” “I’ll get back to it when I’m less busy,” or “I need to be kind to myself and rest.”
But here’s the reality: breaking those personal commitments chips away at something deeper.
I know this all too well from my own experience. Years ago, I promised myself I would record my parents’ life stories. My dad had been documenting our family tree, and I realized how much of his and my mother’s rich history I didn’t know. It became urgent to me, especially as they were getting older, to capture their stories in their own words. My father, who was a German soldier in World War II and spent four years as a prisoner of war, had stories filled with both tragedy and moments of resilience.
I began recording my dad’s stories, and while I did gather many, I never fully completed the project. Worse still, I never even started with my mother, who was British and had her own incredible story. As time passed and my mother’s health declined, I asked her to share her story, but she was too tired by then. She told me, “It’s too late.” Those words still haunt me. I didn’t keep the promise I made to myself. I missed out on capturing an irreplaceable part of our family’s history, and it’s a regret I carry to this day.
The first two loves of my life.
This personal story is a reminder that time doesn’t wait for any of us. We convince ourselves we’ll get around to those important things later—tomorrow, next week, next month—but sometimes, later never comes.
The Real Costs of Breaking Promises to Ourselves
What happens when we don’t follow through on the promises we make to ourselves? The costs are deeper than we think, and they have a way of sneaking up on us over time.
Here are five specific costs to consider:
Erosion of Self-Trust: Every time we break a commitment to ourselves, we chip away at our trust in our own word. Eventually, we stop believing that we’ll actually do what we say we will.
Lowered Confidence: When we continually let ourselves down, it becomes harder to take on new challenges. Doubt creeps in, and we start questioning our abilities and our worth.
Delayed or Missed Opportunities: Just like my missed opportunity with my mother, procrastinating on our commitments can lead to a loss of moments that will never return. Life keeps moving, and we don’t always get a second chance.
Strained Relationships: When we don’t nurture the relationships that matter, such as time with family or friends, we often regret it later. We might tell ourselves there’s always time, but often, people move on, or life changes before we act.
Emotional and Mental Drain: The weight of unfinished tasks lingers in the back of our minds, draining our energy and cluttering our thoughts. We’re left with a sense of unease and a nagging feeling that something is undone.
Three Thoughts to Ponder:
What promises have you made to yourself recently that you’ve let fall by the wayside? Reflect on why these promises mattered in the first place.
How is breaking commitments to yourself impacting your confidence, trust, and overall well-being? Consider what you lose each time you don’t follow through.
What small action can you take today to honor one of those promises? It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture—sometimes, the smallest steps forward are the most powerful.
Choose Your Hard
Here’s the truth: it’s hard either way. It’s hard to push through procrastination, fear, and discomfort to achieve your goals. But it’s also hard to live with the regret of not knowing what could have been. You get to choose your hard. Would you rather endure the temporary discomfort of action or the lasting pain of inaction?
Following through on promises—especially those we make to ourselves—isn’t easy. Fear, doubt, and old patterns of behavior hold us back. Sometimes, it’s not that we don’t want to change; it’s that we don’t fully believe in our ability to change. But that’s exactly where the work is. To move forward, we must first believe in our ability to do so, even if that belief is shaky at first.
I’ve seen this in my own life, and I’m sure you have too. We all know that change is hard, but it’s also necessary. So, what promise have you been putting off? What’s the first step you can take today to move closer to it?
Call to Action: Time to Honour Your Promises
If this resonates with you, now is the time to take action. What’s one promise you’ve made to yourself that you’re ready to honor? Start small if you need to, but start. Your future self will thank you.
If you’re ready to dig deeper and work on creating lasting change, I’m here to help. Let’s explore what’s holding you back and how to take meaningful steps forward in your life. Reach out today for a free consultation, and let’s begin creating the life you’re meant to live.
The promises you make to yourself and keep, define who you are more than anything else you will ever do.
Marianne Preston
This newsletter aims to challenge your thinking and help you reflect on the small (and large) commitments you’ve made to yourself. Let’s take those steps forward together—one promise at a time.
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