Hey there Reader,
Self-Sabotage: Turning an Old Enemy into a Path to Self-Mastery
Dear Reader,
Imagine this: you’ve worked for decades in a career that shaped your identity.
Your title, your role, the way people responded to you—it all became part of who you believed yourself to be. Then one day, it’s over.
Retirement. A shift. A move into something new.
Suddenly, there’s this vast space of “who am I now?”
I know that space. I’ve lived in it. For me, stepping out of a life I loved and into coaching wasn’t just a practical change, it was an identity shift.
And the truth is—while I was motivated and deeply drawn to my new work, I also found myself struggling. Not because I didn’t want the new life, but because old beliefs and patterns came rushing in.
That’s what self-sabotage looks like.
We say we want the new job, the healthier lifestyle, the organized home, the deeper relationship. But when the moment comes to take consistent steps forward, something inside us resists.
We procrastinate. We fall back into old habits. We convince ourselves that we’re not capable, not ready, or not worthy.
It’s not that we don’t want the change—it’s that our subconscious mind is clinging tightly to the old patterns.
Those beliefs were carved into us years ago, maybe from childhood, maybe from past failures, maybe from words we were told and came to believe. They’ve become the default setting of our brain.
I’ll give you an example from my own life: organization.
For years I’ve wanted to be “that person” with tidy systems and no piles of paper scattered everywhere.
I’ve read the books, I’ve tried time-blocking, I’ve decluttered over and over again. But still, I fall back into old habits.
Why?
Because somewhere deep inside, I’ve carried the belief that I’ve always been this way—that this scattered version of me is simply who I am.
And that belief has kept sabotaging my efforts, again and again.
Maybe for you it’s something else: staying in a job you’ve outgrown, holding back from starting something new, struggling in relationships, fearing retirement, or convincing yourself you’ll “never” have enough money, enough time, enough energy.
Whatever the area, the surface struggle is almost never the real issue.
The real issue lies beneath—the old wounds, the fears of failure and success, the identity you’ve outgrown but don’t quite know how to release.
Here’s the good news: you can change this. But it requires two things—awareness and willingness.
Awareness to see where you are sabotaging yourself, and willingness to go deeper than the surface to rewrite the belief system holding you there.
Brianna Wiest, in her book The Mountain Is You, offers a powerful framework that resonates with me:
- Face your fear. Honestly, gently, and with compassion. What’s really behind the resistance?
- Envision your future. Not just what you’ll do, but who you’ll become. Identity is everything.
- Seek guidance. From trusted people, from your inner wisdom, from something greater if that’s part of your faith.
- Step into the new story. Imagine living the life you want five years from now—then start embodying pieces of that today.
Practical Steps for Moving Beyond Self-Sabotage
These are small but powerful shifts you can begin right now:
- Name the pattern. Catch yourself in the act of sabotage—whether it’s procrastination, self-doubt, or avoidance. Awareness is the first crack in the armor.
- Interrupt the cycle. When you notice the old behavior, pause. Breathe. Choose a different response, even if it’s just one tiny action forward.
- Reframe the belief. Instead of “I’ve always been this way,” try “I’m learning new ways that support who I want to become.”
- Visualize daily. Spend a few minutes each morning picturing the life you’re creating. The brain responds to repeated images and feelings.
- Prime your environment. Set up small cues that make success easier—put the book by your bed, prep your workout clothes, keep reminders where you’ll see them.
- Get support. Change is hard to sustain alone. Whether through coaching, a trusted friend, or a community, let others walk with you.
Self-sabotage doesn’t have to define you.
It can become the very signal that shows you where growth is possible.
It’s pointing to the places where love, gentleness, and new belief systems are waiting to be built.
And here’s where I’ll challenge you: don’t just read this and nod your head.
Do something with it.
Choose one area where you see sabotage creeping in. Journal about it. Talk it through with a trusted friend. Read further. Or better yet, work with someone who can walk with you—because sometimes we need help untangling old patterns.
Change is possible. I believe that with all my heart. I’ve seen it in my own life and in the lives of those I work with. But it begins with a willingness to go deeper, and a commitment to stop letting old patterns dictate your future.
So today, ask yourself: am I ready to stop sabotaging my own possibility? And if the answer is yes, take one small step toward the life you know is waiting for you.
You can connect with me here if you want to see what is possible for you.
With belief in you,
Marianne
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